A man with two wives

Some people only learn a little too late

This is the story of a man in his forties whom I was very closely associated for some years. He was married with two children. He was a hardworking man doing multiple jobs to make ends meet as his wife was not working and of late was inflicted with some psychiatric disorder. According to the husband she is incapacitated and not even able to care for the children, let alone catering for his needs. Despite these setbacks he was responsible and caring to his family.

I used to help him, giving moral and occasionally some financial support to him and his family from time to time, which he greatly appreciated and was grateful. He used to consult me in many major issues that he confronted from time to time. Recently I came to know he has been going out with a single woman, a few years younger than him and was considering getting married to her.

I had a long talk with him about his plans to marry another woman when his wife was still with him and mentally deranged. I tried to make him see that he cannot solve one problem by inviting another. Despite all my attempts to make him see some logic he went ahead and got married to the woman without informing me. He did not feel the need to even invite me to the wedding knowing well that I was against it.

I was told he got married in the presence of his first wife and his children. None of the relatives from either his family or his first wife’s family attended the wedding or the reception. According to him, the first wife had consented to the marriage but from other reliable sources I came to know that she was threatened to accept the marriage. Whatever the situation, he was remarried and staying together with both wives and children under the same roof. I am not sure how he copes with such a life with two women, one mentally deranged, staying together with his children from the first wife in one house.

I was deeply disappointed by what this friend of mine had done. How can he betray his mentally deranged wife of over fifteen years? How can he marry another woman in the presence of his own wife? How would have the first wife felt witnessing her husband taking another woman in front of her? How would have his children felt seeing their father betraying their own mother of fifteen years and mentally unsound? What impression would he leave in the minds of his young kids?

A few months have passed by and I understand that the man has got into a lot of problems especially financial. His second who also earns does not want to support his first wife and children anymore. He is thus finding it extremely difficult to support them all by himself. His close friends and relatives have abandoned him because he did not listen to their advice not to go ahead with the second marriage.

I feel sorry seeing him so miserable. How should I relate to him now after he has done everything against what I believe? Should I continue to help him out after all that has happened? It appears that some people only learn after a serious fall, a little too late when their friends have all left them.

All religions teach us to forgive and forget which easily said than done. Even if we forgive him what happens to his mentally sick wife and his children? How can they get justice? How can the pain he caused them be erased and compensated?

Very often we all encounter similar problems from time to time with our close friends and relatives. They refuse to listen to us and go ahead with certain decisions that are obviously wrong. Later as expected they get into trouble for doing so and expect us to help them out. What should we do in such circumstances?